Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Jewish vs. Goyish

The following list is the result of several emails exchanged between Eti and I, inspired by this website which is in itself a hilarious read, as we attempted to compile a definitive account of what is Jewish and what is Goyish. (If you're so goyish as to not know what a goy is, it's a Yiddish word to describe a non-Jew. Me, for example.)

The stuff in regular text is mine; the bold stuff is Eti's. You will likely see some disagreement and/or political editorializing on both our parts.

Linux is Jewish; Windows is goyish.
Netflix is Jewish; Blockbuster is goyish.
Amoeba is Jewish; Tower is goyish.
Trader Joe's: Jewish; Whole Foods: goyish
Hitchcock was a Jew in goy clothing; Spielberg is a goy in Jew clothing.
Variety is Jewish; EW is goyish. UPN is Jewish; the WB is goyish (except for Gilmore Girls which is a totally Jewish show)

The Valley is Jewish; Palms is Goyish.
Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf is Jewish; Starbucks is Goyish.
Vanilla Ice Blendeds are Jewish; Boba is Goyish.
Daily News is Jewish; LA Times is Goyish.
CPK is Jewish; Chili's is Goyish.
Ventura Boulevard is Jewish; 3rd Street Promenade is Goyish.
Vegas is Jewish; Reno is Goyish.
Mercedes are Jewish (even though they shouldn't be); BMWs are Goyish.
Surgeons are Jewish; Pathologists are Goyish.

Desktops are Jewish; Laptops are Goyish.
Conference calls are Jewish; Video conferencing is Goyish.
Ham and cheese sandwiches are Jewish; Seafood is Goyish.
Post Its are Jewish; Memos are Goyish.
Stamps are Jewish; Pitney Bowes is Goyish.
Carnations are Jewish; Roses are Goyish.
Car alarms and detailing are Jewish; Pimping your ride is Goyish.
Bottled water is Jewish; Vitamin water is Goyish.

Beer is Jewish; wine is Goyish.
Vin Diesel is Jewish; Paul Walker is Goyish.
Gaugin is Jewish; Monet is Goyish.
Surround sound is Jewish; 3-D is Goyish.
Normal cell phones are Jewish; Nextel walkie-talkies are Goyish.
England is Jewish; America is Goyish.
Dial-up is Jewish; broadband is Goyish.
Pencils are Jewish; pens are Goyish.
Crossword puzzles are Jewish; word searches are Goyish.
Nicotine gum is Jewish; the patch is Goyish.

Day Runners are Jewish; Palm Pilots are Goyish.
Pop Ups are Jewish; Spam is Goyish.
Zippers are Jewish; Velcro is Goyish.
Cocaine is Jewish; Heroin is Goyish.
Bumper Stickers are Jewish; Laker Flags are Goyish.
Christopher Walken is Jewish; Jack Nicholson is Goyish.
Wall paint is Jewish; Wallpaper is Goyish.
Garbage is Jewish; Recycling is Goyish.
Madonna was Jewish until she changed her name to Esther and became Goyish.

The Pill is Jewish; condoms are Goyish.
Golf is Jewish; tennis is Goyish.
Priority Mail is Jewish; FedEx is Goyish.
The Club is Jewish; LoJack is Goyish.
Sedans are Jewish; SUVs are Goyish. (sorry but it's true)
Stapling is Jewish; binding is Goyish.
The Red Sox are Jewish; the Yankees are Goyish. (but the Mets and the Cubs are even more Jewish than the Red Sox)
Hardwood floors are Jewish; wall-to-wall carpeting is Goyish.
eBay is Jewish; Amazon.com is Goyish.
Mexico is Jewish; Spain is Goyish.
Cereal is Jewish; eggs and toast are Goyish.
Blistex is Jewish; Chap Stick is Goyish.
Ice skating is Jewish; skiing is Goyish.
Soccer is Jewish; football is Goyish.
Skee-ball is Jewish; Whack-a-Mole is Goyish.
Judges are Jewish; juries are Goyish.
The White Stripes are Jewish; The Strokes are Goyish.
Debit cards are Jewish; credit cards are Goyish.
Anorexia is Jewish; bulemia is Goyish.
The Declaration of Independence is Jewish; the Constitution is Goyish.

Lawn with sparse grass is Jewish; Astroturf is Goyish.
Track suits are Jewish; Performance fleece is Goyish.
The ACLU is Jewish (unfortunately); PETA is Goyish.
Live with Regis is Jewish; The Today Show with Katie Couric is Goyish (Extra goyish points for Couric's face lift)
"High Fidelity" is Jewish; "About a Boy" is Goyish.
Vandalism is Jewish; Arson is Goyish.
Trailers are Jewish; Trailer Parks are Goyish.
Files are Jewish; Dossiers are Goyish.
Slideshows are Jewish; PowerPoint presentations are Goyish.
After Christmas Day Sales are Jewish; After Thanksgiving Day Sales are Goyish.

Jose Bernstein's is Jewish; Baja Fresh is Goyish.
Blogging is Jewish; keeping a diary is Goyish.
Sick days are Jewish; lunchtime doctor appointments are Goyish.
Duffel bags are Jewish; suitcases are Goyish.
Kleenex is Jewish; Puffs Plus are Goyish.
Baking a cake is Jewish; baking cookies is Goyish.
Jello is Jewish; pudding is Goyish.
Air travel is Jewish; space travel is Goyish.
Walking is Jewish; bike riding is Goyish.
The CIA is Jewish (or at least it was); the Department of Homeland Security is Goyish.
Sneakers are Jewish; sandals are Goyish.
Pixar movies are Jewish (except for A Bug's Life which was fairly Goyish); regular Disney movies are Goyish.
Hearsay is Jewish; eavesdropping is Goyish.
Cubicles are Jewish; offices are Goyish.
Money is Jewish; bling is Goyish.
Exercise is Jewish; Atkins is Goyish.
Wes Anderson is Jewish; Tarantino is Goyish.
Plastic is Jewish; paper is Goyish (although the whole paper-or-plastic thing is severely Goyish in itself)
Cruises are Jewish; road trips are Goyish.
Getting take-out is Jewish; waiting an hour for a table is Goyish.
Pre-meditated murder is Jewish; "crimes of passion" are Goyish.
Art museums are Jewish; car museums are Goyish.
Manicures are Jewish; waxing is Goyish.
Jeopardy is Jewish; Wheel of Fortune is VERY Goyish (but The Price is Right is fairly Jewish) Salsa is Jewish; Tabasco is Goyish.
Musicals are Jewish; rock operas are Goyish.

Having a Goyish boyfriend is Jewish; Having a Jewish girlfriend is Goyish. (credit goes to Meital for this one)

Special OC section:
"The OC" is Jewish; the OC is Goyish.
Summer is the hot Jap; Marissa is the unloved shiksa.
Seth Cohen is Jewish; the majority of teeny boppers who love him are Goyish.
Sandy Cohen is surprisingly Jewish; Peter Gallagher is Goyish, but his eyebrows are Jewish.
Anna was Jewish; Summer is Goyish, but is Jewish by proxy.

Kaitlin Cooper's horse with a skin disease is Jewish; Kaitlin Cooper being sent off to boarding school is Goyish.
Luke's gay father was Jewish; Abercrombie and Fitch Poster Boy Luke is Goyish.

12 comments:

Reena said...

How can Speilberg be goyish? Great list.

laura said...

Brill list - well done :)

Jack's Shack said...

The OC, home of Richard M. Nixon is most certainly goyish.

Nice list, as an Angeleno I appreciate the city references.

PsychoToddler said...

Vin Diesel is not Jewish! I think!

Anonymous said...

WINE is goyish... O K

Bernaldo said...

Vin Diesel is Jewish, he tries to avoid admitting it by claiming Italian and mixed-race but look at him if he had a beard he would look more Jewish than the rebbe Menachem Schneerson

Bernaldo said...

i think wine is jewish also and beer is goyish because if you look at the history of wine some of the best french wines were made by french jews

Anonymous said...

vin diesel and paul walker was retarded... the rest was solid.

Anonymous said...

Oh brother.

Anonymous said...

As a french man, I can tell wineyards are owned by rich jews, but wine is made by the hands of pure french catholic farmers! So, wine is goyish... but making a business of it is jewish.

Anonymous said...

FUCKIN KIKE VERMIN, EVERYTHING YOU MENTION IS "KIKE-ISH" WAS INVENTED BY HUMANS-(NOT KIKES). YOU KNOW IT REALLY IS TIME FOR A "BERGEN-BELSEN BBQ!!"

Anonymous said...

Starbucks is Goyish? Do you not realize the owner is so Jewish?!