Hello, adoring millions. I don't know how you've managed to maintain any semblance of meaning in your wretched lives during my extended absence from the blogosphere (do they still say "blogosphere"? Is there a newer term, like "blogopolis" or "webule" or "Heidi Montag"?), but I thought it would be nice if I dropped in to throw you all a few bread crumbs. Because I am just the greatest that way.
Anyway. We convene today to discuss the still-not-going-away phenomenon of people talking about their favorite sports teams in the first person. You know... "We were down 14-13, but then we nailed that field goal with ten seconds on the clock," -- that sort of thing.
It would be foolish of me to assume that I could in any way curb this ridiculous practice; it's been going on too long and people are far too wedded to it. I guess at some point in the history of spectator sports, a bunch of top minds got together and decided that watching a game and caring about its outcome automatically made a person an integral team member, with all attendant bragging rights immediately conferred on him or her. Maybe this meeting took place on the same day as that big League of Nations conference thingy and was thus overshadowed and left out of the history books.
But I digress. The point is, sports fans everywhere are going to continue to do this no matter what. And I'm fine with that. However, since I am not a sports fan, I think it's only fair that I be allowed to use the same fantasy semantics when discussing a spectatorial event that I actually care about, like a movie. Like, "How awesome was our three-minute tracking shot at the beginning of Touch of Evil?" or "Man, we really got a great performance out of Ellen Page."
In fact, I think that granting me that privilege would be a lot more reasonable given that I've actually put $11 of my own money toward the domestic box office total and thus helped retroactively fund the film I just saw, as opposed to watching it for free on a cheap plasma TV in the bar at Applebee's.
OK, now back to ignoring Blogger for another several months.