Thursday, September 30, 2004

The Vest of Authority

I am wearing a bright-orange vest right now. As you might imagine, it looks just smashing over my taupe dress shirt and multicolored tie. It also color-coordinates perfectly with the lime-green flashlight I will soon be holding.

Yes, I have been roped into being a fire safety monitor. Fortunately, I occupy a pretty low position on the fire safety chain of command. I'm the backup stairway monitor, which just means I have to either (a) stand in the stairway during the fire drill and do nothing, or (b) run downstairs a couple flights and tell the roll call person if there's anyone still in the stairway.

Anyway, the important thing is that I get to wear the vest. There is a fire drill scheduled shortly, and because I am wearing the vest, people will listen to me. It is the Vest of Authority. I wear it proudly.

All shall bow before the Vest.

Oh, and don't forget the Flashlight of Truth. And the Clipboard of Eternal.... uh, Clipboardness.

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